I'm having a mild panic attack. Actually I've had a panic attack for the last few months and it is only with great restraint that I've contained it from spilling out. My life is completely in the air and for a planner, that's pretty scary. I'm all for spontaneity and I've even decided to travel to another country because of the name of a coffee drink. However, whenever I decide to do things like that, I tend to immediately do all the research and book everything that I need to including flights and hotel rooms.
In exactly two weeks I am supposed to be leaving Hong Kong. My lease will be up for my apartment and I am supposed to be headed west. I do not have a visa, I do not have plane tickets, and I have no place to stay.
On the plus side, shutting down water, electricity, and gas has been taken care of. For anyone planning on leaving Hong Kong, I would recommend you start taking care of the process at least two weeks before you decide to leave. It's actually pretty easy and straightforward. All you need to do is call the various agencies and tell them the day that you want things switched off/transferred from your account. Then they will either offer to forward the bill to the next place you move to or you can use the deposit to pay it off and they will put the remainder in your bank account. The one exception to this was gas. They actually have to send someone in to read the meter and then you go to the closest center (which you can google) and pay it off there.
Anyway, so I'm panicked about the immediate future but also about long term. Not going to lie, not quite sure what to do with my life. I'm in my early twenties and I know that I'm young and I've got plenty of time but I feel like most of the people I graduated with have already begun their careers. They're getting that dull beginning period out of the way where they are at the bottom and have to put in the long hours fetching coffee and whatnot before they can move on to cooler tasks like doing the job they were hired for. I'm interested in photography and writing and I want my life to go in these directions but I feel like there is such a wall against new comers. Or maybe it takes something extra that I haven't yet developed, which I am completely fine with, but I'd just like to know. I am a little afraid that there are just some people who are extraordinarily lucky and talented, where everything just clicks. I don't know, I feel like I'm just babbling at this point but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm scared. I'm scared it's never going to happen to me ("it" being money/successful career/maybe fame, although not fame in a big way, just enough that people would be like, "wow, yeah, have you read her latest book?! Awesome right? And her photography, WHOA, just blows me away").
I once saw an X-Files episode where the smoking man is on the brink of quitting. After years and years and years, a publisher finally wants a book he wrote. But, only on the condition that they can tamper and change it. He ends up going back to shady FBI stuff. That episode depressed me immeasurably.
I know I'm rambling a bit, but I feel like a lot of things are out of my control and that freaks me out. Sure, I'm not dealing with poverty or starvation or war and my life is not in ruins but this is what I'm dealing with right now. I feel like there is a constant weight on my shoulders and I'm looking forward to a time when some of it starts to go away.
To that end, I'm writing this piece of vent and I'll be submitting photos to another contest:
Keep your fingers crossed for me =)
Oh, non sequitur to the majority of this post but related to photography: I want to start pushing myself to get people to sign release forms. In order to submit stock photography for lonely planet and this contest, they require a written consent form signed by anyone in the photograph. My question is, how in the world do you do that if there are a ton of people in the photo? Go to every single one? Or do you only pick the ones in the forefront? How about if you can't see their face, then do you need a consent form? Very confused about this... If you know, let me know!
Hope this wasn't too bad to get through! There will be photos next time around.
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